AMERICAN IDOL - "A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - TOP 7 (4/20)

Well here we go...another week and I have no idea what the theme is. I guess I'll find out soon enough! Aha...music from the 21st century. Hmmmm. I'm a little scared of this one, as I'm not sure the new millenium has produced much top 40 fare that's worth listening to. Thus sayeth Brian Wilson, "Beware the lollipop of mediocrity; lick it once and you'll suck forever." 

Hey...I kinda liked bringing back the eliminated contestants (except Ashthon...turns out she's still annoying). It's about time this show figured out that you don't have to actually win the dang thing anymore and that there are probably more steadily working cast-offs from this show than winners at this point. But poor Paul, all alone, with his hopelessly thrashed vocal chords, trying to keep up with a bunch of divas screaming. Oy vey. 

Alright, let's get to it. Scotty's up first (the danger zone, as Paul can attest). And he was "meh." It is indeed time for him to kick it up. I don't have anything more to say than that.

James is gonna do a Muse song. Fun. I'm not worried.  Oh wow, he gets a drumline? Hmmm. I'm not all that sure I loved ALL the screaming, but I suppose he had to do something cuz the song is not made for a soloist. I probably would have taken a higher harmony and played with the melody oh-so-slightly instead of the octave jumping. He looked amazing tonight and his overall performance was just right, I thought. He let the words (mostly) speak for themselves and didn't overdo the stage theatrics. I enjoyed it.

Here comes Haley with Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" and I'm REALLY psyched to hear her take this on (even though this song is getting dangerously overplayed right now). And DANG GURL!!!! I expected her to do just fine but holy moly that was some saaaaaaaaaangin', my people! I was in a rotten mood a minute ago and I feel so much better after that performance. I'm not even kidding. This is the kind of album she should make. Something a little bit throwback, a little bit contemporary. Gorgeous. LOVE. Super cute dress, too.

Judges? Did you not hear the same performance I did? They seemed awfully apathetic about it but I thought it was FIERCE. 

By the way, there's a juicy girl in the audience that I believe is with James' people and she keeps coming up on camera...and I SWEAR I stood in line with her for X-Factor auditions. She never stopped singing or talking or "coaching" the other singers for one dang second. If it's not her, it could be her twin, down to her mannerisms. But she was from Fresno. So what are the odds, really?

And ANOTHER THING...I don't believe for one second that the bleach blondes are really singers. I think they're bikini models lip-syncing for paid union singers behind the big head of Oz somewhere. Disgusting. 

Jacob is going to do some Luther. I just hope it's not "Dance With My Father," though. Aaaawwww crap. Of course it is, cuz I think that was the last hit Luther had before he passed. Well...he got through it. Weirdness at the beginning, like he couldn't hear himself. But hey...when you grow up singing in church you don't always have monitors and you learn to sing in tune by muscle memory, so I'm not actually surprised that he didn't flounder for long. Otherwise, that was as good as I expected it to be. I'm with Randy, it didn't make me jump up and down either and I am anxious for the the old foot-stompin', gospel-sangin' Jacob to come back. 

I'm enjoying the contestants making fun of each other. And yes, I realize that sounded very bot-like. 

Casey is going to do my favorite Maroon 5 song, "Harder To Breathe." I'm psyched. I couldn't even type anything through that cuz it was SO. MUCH. FREAKIN'. FUUUUNNNNNN!!!!! He really put some rock n' roll on it and I just loved it. And man, that kid's got cajones to get in JLo's face and steal a SMOOCH!  Brilliant. Every week he does something new and it makes me happy.

Oh Steven Tyler. Did anyone tell this guy that there are children in the live audience? Dude's the honey badger! Honey badger don't care! Honey badger don't give a @$%!!!! 

Of course Stefano's a flirt, it comes as naturally to Italian boys as blinking. Now I liked this performance just fine, but compared to all the interesting stage set ups the other contestants had tonight it ended up feeling kind of bare even though I think the kid was putting his 100% into it. His pitch was a little squirrelly here and there but I'm getting to where I don't actually care so much about such things anymore (to a point, of course) because everything we hear on the radio is so perfectly auto-tuned that a little bit of woopsy-daisy is almost refreshing to me (note to my students: this doesn't mean you get a pass, sorry!). Overall, I think he did his best but this might be the end of the road for him simply due to lack of theatrics.

Viva Italia anyway! 

(Do y'all know I'm Italian? Just checkin'.)

Lauren is closing the show with a Sarah Evans song. (Dear God make the Doublemint Twins GO AWAY!!!  ). Aaaannnnddddd next. Sorry, but I thought that was a stupid song and this is the most bored I've been with her yet. I'm surprised at myself cuz going into this I thought I was gonna really like her, but I guess everyone else just keeps kicking it up every week and I feel like she's just coasting at best. It's not that I don't like her voice, cuz I do, I'm just bored. I certainly hope she takes the judges' advice and rips apart that box she's put herself in next week (cuz I'm not worried that she's going home).

JLo! PLEASE don't encourage untrained 16 year old singers to scream and yell at home by themselves! For the love of all that's good and holy, woman! 

That's all she wrote. I'm going to bed. This was a really fun show tonight. 

A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW - TOP 8 (4/13)

For the newbies, I'm Darci Monet and I make music and teach people to sing for a living. I have two albums out, I perform all over L.A., I've sung backup for some super cool people, I've won a few awards for songwriting and some of my students are making great careers for themselves. Also, I am making my very first music video, which I am describing as a "video love letter to the world"!  My production team and I would love for you to keep up with our progress on our Facebook page.

I've been watching American Idol since season one and kvetching about it since season two. I do "drive-by reviews"...one watch, first impression critiques (cuz you don't get do-overs in concert). Thank you for reading, and please feel free to pipe in with your opinions, even if they disagree with mine -- just keep it on a grown up level. Thank you! 

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Okay...it's movie songs week. And if anyone sings "My Heart Will Go On" (though I think we're safe with Pia gone), I might have to chuck my tv out the window.

Paul is up first (which means the show is trying to get rid of him) with "Old Time Rock n' Roll", dressed in mighty fine duds by Nashville's go-to costumer Manuel. THANK YOU Will.I.Am for setting Jimmy Iovine straight - NO DRUMB MACHINE ON THIS SONG, FOOL! Duh.  Now...I hate this song. But I think it's gonna be a good fit for Paul regardless. But maybe I'm wrong. His poor little voice sounds absolutely worn out. Always fun onstage, but he sounded way better in rehearsal. I don't know if it's enough this week. I'm very confused by all the love the judges are giving him on this one. He wasn't awful but he wasn't at his best if you ask me.

Lauren is going to do "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, which I have to admit, is a great little song and I think her voice on it should be quite nice. Hmmmmm. Bored again. She sung it okay (a little wobbly with her pitch on her slides and such)...I think I'm with JLo with this...I want her to go further. I just have a hard time believing her. This should have been an easy song to connect with and yet I didn't feel it.

Stefano is going to sing "End of The Road" by Boz II Men. Bless his little heart, I follow him on Twitter and I think he got a bit of a beating from Pia fans last week, blaming him for her demise (entirely unfair - peepz iz dumb, yo). My heart was happy to see the support he got from Jimmy and Will and I hope he can dig that emotion out and put it in this song like he did back with his wild card performance. And HOOOOOOO-EEEEEEEE! SAAAAAANG. JUST SAAAAAAANG, MUTHAH TRUCKAH!!! He tore that shizzle up, people. Great pitch, flawless runs, wore his heart on his sleeve and left his guts on the stage. Naw, he ain't goin' down without a fight. No, sir. And how cuuuuuute is his daddy??? 

VIVA ITALIA!!!  

Love ya Scotty, but good luck following THAT up, baby! Oooooooh, I'm not happy with the song change. "Everybody's Talkin'" would've been somewhat out of the box for him, at least unexpected. And forgive me...but the backup singers are too hot in the mix. They sound great but I couldn't hear Scotty on the chorus. Hmmmmm. He should've stuck with his original choice. There was nothing terribly interesting about this song to me and his last note was a bit of a butt-scratcher. No disrespect to Mr. Straight, of course. This just wasn't the best of Scotty's performances.

I'm very much enjoying all the crap they're giving JLo for her "most beautiful blah blah." Very much.

Casey has chosen Nat King Cole's "Nature Boy." No Jimmy. No. You're wrong. WRONG. We love Casey cuz he's a REAL musician...America is CRAVING real musicians in the spotlight these days! LET HIM BE ONE! God forbid we give a record deal to someone with skills. Casey starts...aaaaannnnnnddddd a-ha! Take THAT, Iovine!   How ya like THAT smack on the @$$, huh? Polly wants some more? Oh yeah...HERE!HAVE SOME OF THIS, NANCY BOY!!!   Brilliant. Abso-friggin-lutely BRILLIANT. Gorgeous vocals, fierce playing, sick scatting and not even a single growl necessary. I'm not sure that "mmmm" in the middle was meant to cover a clearing of the throat or what, it was a little weird and out of place, but I didn't care cuz the rest was so dang good. Standing O. I love it when the suits are WRONG.  Amazing music will ALWAYS trump crap. Always.

Haley's going with "Call Me" by Blondie. And I don't have anything bad to say about that performance. I just love when she gets up into her high register and rasps on it, it's super sexy and I covet that ability. AND she whipped her hair back and forth!  This, of course, is a required element for rock tunes. Short haired people should not sing rock. Haha, ok I'm just being a jerk! Good job, I thought. I'm also glad she's finally laying off the hunchover. I thought the judges were a little hard on her. It IS a steep competition this year, though.  

Jacob is being forced to sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and doesn't seem happy about it whatsoever. Hmmmmm. I still love his voice. It was a very subdued version. Closing chords were very interesting. He sang his face off. But I have to say...I felt like something was distracting him. I felt a wall. His disconnected is still better than just about anyone else's connected, though.

James is sticking to his guns with "Heavy Metal." I kinda like that Iovine's got the whippersnappers testing his mettle. I think that's what the music industry needs right now...for our artists to be artists instead of products molded and shaped by overpaid guys who are older than me. I don't know if I'm gonna love this song cuz I don't know it, but I know I'm going to respect it, anyway. And actually I LOVED IT! Why? Cuz NO ONE'S DONE THIS S**T ON THE SHOW BEFORE!!! And how on earth did they talk the SICK Zakk Wylde into stepping foot on that stage?!  If you ask me, it felt like a real concert. Well, almost. The rest of the band being visible would've been nice. But hey...I stand by Crazy James' choice. And man, he sure does love to rock. I was feelin' it. 

And there it is. Great show tonight. Personally I thought the weakest performances of the evening were Paul and Scotty. But that's based on a scale of "great" to "amazeballs". I have no idea who's gonna end up going home tonight, but I do hope Stefano gets to stay cuz I think he really fought for the right to.

Now I'm gonna put my face on and go sing a song or two at a piano bar. Haven't done that yet this year! Although I'm kinda in a rockin' mood now...hahaha! Hmmm...guess I'll pull out some blues, then.

AMERICAN IDOL - A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW - TOP 9 (4/6)

For the newbies, I'm Darci Monet and I make music and teach people to sing for a living. I have two albums out, I perform all over L.A., I've sung backup for some super cool people, I've won a few awards for songwriting and some of my students are making great careers for themselves. Also, I am making my very first music video, which I am describing as a "video love letter to the world"!  My production team and I would love for you to keep up with our progress on our Facebook page.

I've been watching American Idol since season one and kvetching about it since season two. I do "drive-by reviews"...one watch, first impression critiques (cuz you don't get do-overs in concert). Thank you for reading, and please feel free to pipe in with your opinions, even if they disagree with mine -- just keep it on a grown up level. Thank you! 

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ROCK AND ROLL WEEK!!! Well a few I'm not worried about at all. Some...well...let's just say Pia better DO SOMETHING this week or Imma sprout a second head. Btw, what happened to all the "changes" we were supposed to get this season...music videos by the contestants (other than the Ford commercials) and all....? Hmmm. 

JACOB - I have no doubt you'll sing "Man In The Mirror" just fine but IT'S NOT A ROCK SONG!!! C'mon! King of POP??? Helleeeeerrrrrr???  But it's still TRES cool that Miz Siedah Garrett herself is singing backup for you on the song she wrote!  I adore this song and he nailed it...but it's still not a rock song. I'm annoyed by that and I'd better not be in for an entire night of such shenanigans. But I also give him props for sticking to his guns in regard to his song choice, which I know for fact is not easy for the contestants to do on this show. And that's all I have to say about that. 

HALEY is going to step up with some Janis. BRING IT, SISTER!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh, she did. There were places where she could've held back the growl a little to give herself a break but at least she didn't tiptoe up to the song in general (like Faith Hill did with that nauseating country version she released a hundred years ago - blech! ). She looked FANTASTIC and she I thought she did a very honorable job of a classic song plus she threw in a little of her own thing while she was at it. 

HOW DID I MISS THIS LYRIC CONTEST THING??????? BOOOOOOOO! 

Casey dumped The Police and went with CCR. And FINALLY pulls the standup out. I loved it. His licks are weird...somehow sloppy while NOT being sloppy. But when he's got the bass it all comes together for him. 

OH COME. ON. LAUREN! Wussin' out with Natural Woman. I love this song, but again -- NOT A ROCK SONG! There are PLENTY of songs and artists out there this girl could have handled during this theme week and she goes with old school r&b. WUSS! And sorry, I didn't really like this at all. Blank expression on her face the entire song. No connection whatsoever. None. So disappointing. It's like the fancier they make her look the more disconnected she gets.

So JAMES makes it to his cake round and he decides to slow it down with "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Ummmm...not sure if this is a great idea. But it turns out I had no worries...that ending came out of nowhere and was SUH-WEET! I think he did the right thing. He's all, "hey, here's my pretty voice, I actually have one...but don't forget...I'M STILL AN EFFIN' ROCKSTAR, MUTHA TRUCKAH!!!" And by the way Lauren, THAT'S HOW YOU CONNECT TO A SONG. Mama likey. 

So we're gonna get to see SCOTTY do his Elvis after all. Okaaaaayyyyy...flawless vocal. Weird stage presence. Can't think of anything else to say, really. (Ryan asks of the squealing girls, "Where'd THEY come from?" Uh...SAG?  )

Christian Slater looks amazing. If he's had work done, it's VERY GOOD work. Way to age, dude. And I loved your last show, "The Forgotten." Just sayin.

PIA, don't you dare disappoint me tonight. PLEASE tear it up! Well, it's a predictable choice...Celine's version of Ike & Tina's "River Deep Mountain High," but I'll be happy if she shakes a tail feather and uses the stage. Ok, no tail feathers exactly shaking, but at least she tried to move a little and she also sang the piddle out of it. And I can attest, that is a hardhardhardhard song, the range alone is a killer. I still would have asked her to put some flats on and bust a move, but it was still an improvement over the last couple snoozerific performances she's given (pipes aside, of course). I just want this girl to CUT. LOOSE! Viva Italia!

STEFANO is going to do Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman" which I think will be a great song choice for him. I don't think this is a rock song either, but clearly no one asked me this week.  Man, this kid can really really sing. I thought that was excellent. I liked the arrangement too, starting so lightly and ending lightly, unlike everyone else who comes out balls to the wall on this song giving it nowhere to go. I thought it was really solid. Viva Italia!

This week PAUL is gonna give us "Folsom Prison Blues," which I think will work for him. Now THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! That was the spirit of rock n' roll, my friends! For starters, THANK YOU Paul for putting some UMPH into the line "I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die"...which is a sick and twisted lyric and should therefore BE SUNG like it's sick and twisted and NO ONE ever goes there with it and it's a pet peeve...but YOU DID. Thank you. One of my favorite performances of the night. AND that's the most in tune he's sung in weeks on top of it. When it's your zone it's your zone.

Oh we're done? Yay! My faves of the night were Haley and Paul. Or wait no...James too...er...well Pia sang really well...then Casey, when you sandwich "bad" and "ass" together you get "bass"...Stefano is just so good...aw crud, I dunno. I'm awfully hard on them and yet NONE of them totally blew it at all. I have no idea who's going home. They're all fantastic talents. Basically, the results shows are going to suck hard from here till the end. I'll be sad to see any of them go.

Back to learning songs from Tiffany's new album "Rose Tattoo" for Saturday night's release party! It's a good album, especially if you like country music. Check it out!

"A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - AMERICAN IDOL TOP 11, TAKE 2 (3/30)

For the newbies, I'm Darci Monet and I make music and teach people to sing for a living. I have two albums out, I perform all over L.A., I've sung backup for some super cool people, I've won a few awards for songwriting and some of my students are making great careers for themselves. Also, I am making my very first music video, which I am describing as a "video love letter to the world"!  My production team and I would love for you to keep up with our progress on our Facebook page.

I've been watching American Idol since season one and kvetching about it since season two. I do "drive-by reviews"...one watch, first impression critiques (cuz you don't get do-overs in concert). Thank you for reading, and please feel free to pipe in with your opinions, even if they disagree with mine -- just keep it on a grown up level. Thank you! 

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ELTON JOHN TUNES, WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!! 

Don't mess it up, kids. 

Scotty's up first with "Country Comfort"...gee-tar and everything. Well...I just can't say anything negative about this kid ever. Ok, except that last basement note was slightly sharp but that's just being nit-picky cuz he knows who he is and he knows how to give that to the audience and he passes with flying colors every time. He's a natural. He could get voted off tomorrow and I think a bidding war would break out. It's done. 

Hmmm...Naima's made a reggae tune out of "I'm Still Standing." Hmmmm. I didn't hate it at all, I just felt like she could have gotten revved up a little sooner. Reggae's not about flashy vocals but American Idol is, and she has the ability to hear and sing jazz licks so I think throwing some in may have been a benefit. Her performance style reminds me a little of Gwen Stefani back in the Tragic Kingdom days. I disagree w/Jen and Randy...I thought the style worked for the song, she just didn't sell it enough is all.

The Taco Bell dogs next door have been barking for a straight hour and a half. I'm just about willing to stick a fork in each ear to make it go away. 

Here comes Paul with the classic "Rocket Man." Oh Paul...I do love you, but just not this song on you. Here's the thing about Elton John's songs...melody is king and if your voice isn't built to handle such a thing then you're gonna have trouble on this particular theme night. When Paul's in his element he's a superstar - this is just not his element. He probably should've picked an up-tempo where he could play more on his quirky strengths. Still think he's a great performer, though. And that suit...nice nod to Sir Elton's flashier days.

Ryan...what's up with your hair tonight? Kinda makes me wanna beat you up after school or something. Eek.

Hey Pia's doing a ballad...WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING???!!! I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!!!  Well...I'm sick to death of "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" but I have to say that it was refreshing to hear a female do it for a change. She once again sang her patootie off and as always looked stunning (sick outfit!). And I did feel like she brought a little bit more emotional connection to it than she has so far. But still...there's an "I-love-you-don't-touch-me" vibe that's got to be cracked. MAKE ME CARE, PIA! SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!! When you finally do...it's gonna be on like Donkey Kong. Viva Italia!

Poor Stefano and his super tight pants. I'm just really upset about that for him.  He's singing "Tiny Dancer." (Does anyone realize Elton John has WAY more songs than the ones we've heard so far tonight?) Well, he worked HARD to keep those pretty eyes open tonight and work the stage...good for him. He's just so freakin' adorable, I want to toss him over my shoulder and take him home and make him my famous spaghetti and meatballs. Not sure I loved this song on him, there are plenty of others that would've fit his voice better and allowed his natural soulfulness to shine through. A good job, but not sure it'll be enough to keep him for another week if he was in the bottom three last week. Viva Italia anyway!

Steven hears what in Stefano's...Broadway??? Wha huh...???  Mr. Tyler's clearly never been to a cabaret. Or even a Broadway show for that matter. 

I have a horrible feeling Lauren's gonna sing "Candle In The Wind." Ugh. UGH! It's really not fun to be right all the freakin' time, people.  KILLER dress. But I was completely, hopelessly bored. It's not like she didn't sing it well...she really took great care with it vocally, but I didn't feel it. Maybe cuz I hate this song. Maybe I'm getting jaded cuz everyone's so talented this year. Sorry judges, I just didn't see what you did. 

James, please my child, KICK THIS SNOOZER OF A SHOW UP A NOTCH! Oh I knew you would do "Saturday Night's Alright." YEAH!!!! SPLITS OFF THE STEPS! FLYING MIC STAND! FLAMING PIANO! OUT OF TUNE HIGH NOTES!   Oh well, I really didn't care about that last little bit. That was a MUCH needed infusion of fun. He's so comfortable doing what he does...the song fit him like a glove. Made me miss my rock chick days (and my rock chick figure). James doesn't quite have the impeccable control of Adam Lambert but he sure brings as much fun. 

Jasmine...er Thia...is going to sing "Daniel." Shocker, a slow tune. Again...did ANYONE actually LOOK at the Elton John catalog? Okay, shut up Darci, that was lovely. Really, really lovely. Beyond her years. Still the slightest hair consistently under pitch but maybe it wasn't enough for the average joe to notice. She told me the story and she made me care. Well done, Little Bit. 

Casey's gonna sing "Your Song." *sigh* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Okay, shut up again, Darci. Cuz that was NIIIIIIIIIIIICE. Tender, with some grit at just the right spots, not overdone and charmingly performed. Excellent switch up. I hope that was enough to save him.

My nail polish matches JLo's dress. Just in case anyone was wondering.

A softer, gentler Jacob is up next? I can't take any softer and gentler ANYBODY. Okay maybe I'll make an exception because I absolutely ADOREADOREADORE "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"!!!  (Trivial side note: this song was pitched to Joe Cocker originally and he turned it down. He ended up recording it years later on "Two Rooms," a mostly excellent tribute to the music of John and Taupin put out in the early 90's. Look it up!) Aw jeez. Like Jennifer Hudson did when she was on this show (and still does whenever she sings), there's something in Jacob's voice that puts a lump in my throat immediately. Where I come from we call that an annointing. I can't describe it and I know a lot of people will disagree. Maybe I'm just having an emotional day and can relate a little too well to this song presently. Regardless, he did his job. To be fair, the front end I didn't love all that much, there was weird diction going on, but it didn't take much for him to make me fuggedaboudit. It worked and it made me want to watch it again. JHud is the only other contestant that's ever made me rewind.

Haley closes with "Benny & The Jets," which is such a fun song. Seriously I LOVE her voice. LOVE. She put some STANK on that song!!! YES!!! I wish the band had upped it a notch to match her but that didn't seem to deter her at all. Plus she wasn't Hunchback Haley tonight which made me REALLY happy. One of my favorite performances of hers, everything fell into place tonight. Suh-weeeeet. Bravo! 

Oh yay, it's over. Even a bunch of good singers can't make an endless night of ballads work, people! No idea what will happen tomorrow night, but I'm pretty sure it won't be as uplifting as last week's elimination show.  

Sweet dreams, errbody!