AMERICAN IDOL - "A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - TOP 7 (4/20)

Well here we go...another week and I have no idea what the theme is. I guess I'll find out soon enough! Aha...music from the 21st century. Hmmmm. I'm a little scared of this one, as I'm not sure the new millenium has produced much top 40 fare that's worth listening to. Thus sayeth Brian Wilson, "Beware the lollipop of mediocrity; lick it once and you'll suck forever." 

Hey...I kinda liked bringing back the eliminated contestants (except Ashthon...turns out she's still annoying). It's about time this show figured out that you don't have to actually win the dang thing anymore and that there are probably more steadily working cast-offs from this show than winners at this point. But poor Paul, all alone, with his hopelessly thrashed vocal chords, trying to keep up with a bunch of divas screaming. Oy vey. 

Alright, let's get to it. Scotty's up first (the danger zone, as Paul can attest). And he was "meh." It is indeed time for him to kick it up. I don't have anything more to say than that.

James is gonna do a Muse song. Fun. I'm not worried.  Oh wow, he gets a drumline? Hmmm. I'm not all that sure I loved ALL the screaming, but I suppose he had to do something cuz the song is not made for a soloist. I probably would have taken a higher harmony and played with the melody oh-so-slightly instead of the octave jumping. He looked amazing tonight and his overall performance was just right, I thought. He let the words (mostly) speak for themselves and didn't overdo the stage theatrics. I enjoyed it.

Here comes Haley with Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" and I'm REALLY psyched to hear her take this on (even though this song is getting dangerously overplayed right now). And DANG GURL!!!! I expected her to do just fine but holy moly that was some saaaaaaaaaangin', my people! I was in a rotten mood a minute ago and I feel so much better after that performance. I'm not even kidding. This is the kind of album she should make. Something a little bit throwback, a little bit contemporary. Gorgeous. LOVE. Super cute dress, too.

Judges? Did you not hear the same performance I did? They seemed awfully apathetic about it but I thought it was FIERCE. 

By the way, there's a juicy girl in the audience that I believe is with James' people and she keeps coming up on camera...and I SWEAR I stood in line with her for X-Factor auditions. She never stopped singing or talking or "coaching" the other singers for one dang second. If it's not her, it could be her twin, down to her mannerisms. But she was from Fresno. So what are the odds, really?

And ANOTHER THING...I don't believe for one second that the bleach blondes are really singers. I think they're bikini models lip-syncing for paid union singers behind the big head of Oz somewhere. Disgusting. 

Jacob is going to do some Luther. I just hope it's not "Dance With My Father," though. Aaaawwww crap. Of course it is, cuz I think that was the last hit Luther had before he passed. Well...he got through it. Weirdness at the beginning, like he couldn't hear himself. But hey...when you grow up singing in church you don't always have monitors and you learn to sing in tune by muscle memory, so I'm not actually surprised that he didn't flounder for long. Otherwise, that was as good as I expected it to be. I'm with Randy, it didn't make me jump up and down either and I am anxious for the the old foot-stompin', gospel-sangin' Jacob to come back. 

I'm enjoying the contestants making fun of each other. And yes, I realize that sounded very bot-like. 

Casey is going to do my favorite Maroon 5 song, "Harder To Breathe." I'm psyched. I couldn't even type anything through that cuz it was SO. MUCH. FREAKIN'. FUUUUNNNNNN!!!!! He really put some rock n' roll on it and I just loved it. And man, that kid's got cajones to get in JLo's face and steal a SMOOCH!  Brilliant. Every week he does something new and it makes me happy.

Oh Steven Tyler. Did anyone tell this guy that there are children in the live audience? Dude's the honey badger! Honey badger don't care! Honey badger don't give a @$%!!!! 

Of course Stefano's a flirt, it comes as naturally to Italian boys as blinking. Now I liked this performance just fine, but compared to all the interesting stage set ups the other contestants had tonight it ended up feeling kind of bare even though I think the kid was putting his 100% into it. His pitch was a little squirrelly here and there but I'm getting to where I don't actually care so much about such things anymore (to a point, of course) because everything we hear on the radio is so perfectly auto-tuned that a little bit of woopsy-daisy is almost refreshing to me (note to my students: this doesn't mean you get a pass, sorry!). Overall, I think he did his best but this might be the end of the road for him simply due to lack of theatrics.

Viva Italia anyway! 

(Do y'all know I'm Italian? Just checkin'.)

Lauren is closing the show with a Sarah Evans song. (Dear God make the Doublemint Twins GO AWAY!!!  ). Aaaannnnddddd next. Sorry, but I thought that was a stupid song and this is the most bored I've been with her yet. I'm surprised at myself cuz going into this I thought I was gonna really like her, but I guess everyone else just keeps kicking it up every week and I feel like she's just coasting at best. It's not that I don't like her voice, cuz I do, I'm just bored. I certainly hope she takes the judges' advice and rips apart that box she's put herself in next week (cuz I'm not worried that she's going home).

JLo! PLEASE don't encourage untrained 16 year old singers to scream and yell at home by themselves! For the love of all that's good and holy, woman! 

That's all she wrote. I'm going to bed. This was a really fun show tonight.