Darci's 2010 Reflect-O-Blog

Well, here it is. New Year's Day 2011. I can't warm up, I have the sniffles and a cough, I didn't go out last night, I had to get up early on a Saturday to go feed my friend's dog, my Blackberry keeps shutting itself down and I have no clue which direction to go with my career from here. Oh yeah...and stupid Time Warner cable doesn't give me access to Oprah's new OWN network. I have access to 997 channels of violent, over-sexed, embarrassing-for-America trash...but TW won't give me the ONE channel that's sole purpose is uplifting television. *sigh*

And still my heart is light as I'd like to shout from the rafters, "THANK GOD 2010 IS OVER!!! THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU! PRAISALUIAH!!!" 

 

And I thought 2009 was a roller coaster. 2010 cleaned its clock and took its name.

Starting off with my baby sister moving to Chicago one year ago today, the first half of the year was all downhill from there. It felt like I was mourning a death (Taurus' HATE change). My sisters are my best friends. So it was a good four months before I could actually talk to her on the phone, cuz the sound of her cheerful little voice would just make me burst into tears like a stoopit girl. I know, ridonkulous, right? Get OVER yourself, you freakin' pansy. Some people have actually lost loved ones for real this year -- you have no right to act this selfish. 

And yet, I did. 

This is not to say I cocooned myself in my apartment for half a year or actually allowed myself to wallow all that often. I made great efforts to get out of the doldrums (this is a big deal for me, cuz I tend to enjoy the wallowing). However...the Great Recession decided to nail me full force at the same time, so "fun" - which costs a buck or two - was few and far between. I think I went from January (which is usually a busy time of year for me for voice students, what with New Year's rezzies and all) to June with two or three students MAX at any given time. Sometimes it was one student a week. My nanny job was precarious from week to week because the girls' mom had been laid off the previous July and money was really getting tight for them by this point. 

Then came news of the devastating earthquake in Haiti, which very quickly snapped me out of my "woah-is-me" mentality. So one of my biggest efforts to get back on the posi-train was to produce a benefit for Doctors Without Borders. I was so grateful to have a focus, something to keep me busy, something to do for others so I could stay out of my head (I'm not saying I was grateful for the quake, do NOT misunderstand me -- it simply woke me up). Alaaaaaasssssss...a friend who had agreed to run sound for me misinterpreted something I said, refused to accept my apology (or even speak to me) and backed out of the benefit a week before the show. I then found myself scrambling to find sound equipment and someone to run it to pull off the show while deeply grieving the end of that friendship. Even still...there's that little lump in my throat when I think about it -- it's never been resolved.

So one of my best friends moved far away and another threw me completely out of his life in the span of about five weeks.

BP Oil Spill. Earthquakes in Chile and China. My beloved Nashville gets flooded and the news media doesn't give a rip cuz they were too busy covering the spill and the UNSUCCESSFUL car bomb in NY (2010 went on to produce $222 billion worth of disasters before it was over. Jesus is coming - look busy!).

The icing though? The friggin' cherry? This year I was turning...ahem...coughcough...gulp...the big 4-0. This was a problem for several reasons. 

1) Some say a woman in the entertainment industry is dead after 25.

2) I decided when I moved here in 2001 that I'd tell people I was 27. I kinda still had been.

3) I have always said that when I turned 40 I'd stop lying about my age.

4) But wait - I'm still 27!!!

But most pressing...

5) What the hell have I been doing for forty years? I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING! NUH. THING. AT. ALL! THIS ISN'T WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY FORTY! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

My friends all have successful careers, businesses, beautiful families, etc. Now, I chose long ago not to worry about marriage and kids and I still do NOT regret that. But I do recognize that my friends who have chosen that path have accomplished a beautiful thing and they have their legacy. Me? I married music and the songs I write are my babies. And at that moment I felt like no more dysfunctional a "family" could possibly exist. My "husband" was a selfish, soul-sucking, finance-depleting, unemployable good for-nothing who beat me and my "kids" were wit-challenged, lazy, whiny little ingrates who contributed nothing to the family unit and made me wonder often how a reasonably intelligent and talented individual such as I could have produced such rotten offspring.

And where do I go from here?

Needless to say, the first half of the year felt like I was constantly gasping for air, for SOME kind of life, grasping for SOME spark of creativity, for SOME kind of validation that I hadn't completely destroyed my life. For the first time in my entire life I wasn't just alone...I was lonely. I honestly feared I'd soon have to decide if I was going to show up on my mother's doorstep, accept that my life as a performer and recording artist was over and I would now live the rest of my life as a batty old maid with cats, teaching tone-deaf 11 year olds songs from "Annie" for twenty-five bucks an hour. In Johnstown, NY. While the place has cleaned up a lot since I left,there's still nothing else to do there but get drunk or pregnant...just as it was in high school. Obviously, my eggs are pretty hard-boiled at this point. So that leaves drunk. Cheers.

I know, I know. SHUT UP ALREADY!  

The healing began with Jim Caruso's Cast Party at the Magic Castle on April 1st, where I, accompanied by the great Billy Stritch, sang to a packed room of big deal theater folk, producers, composers, celebrities, etc....and the crowd roared. Then came a show I was called to do at the last minute -- a Broadway review show. I had to sing real show tunes, where I accidentally rediscovered my inner actress...and found out that I can be really funny while I'm singing and the sound of people laughing at you (when they're supposed to) is really addicting. I realized it had been soooooo long since I'd really performed with total abandon that I'd forgotten what it was like. Little flickers of life...

Then I threw myself a birthday party. Not cuz I really wanted to celebrate my entrance into official middle-agedom, but because I didn't want to regret that I didn't later. It was that decision that brought forth a miracle in my heart. Since I already chronicled it in an earlier blog, I won't go into detail again, but suffice it to say that a) I found out how many people actually do give a s**t or two about me in this god-forsaken city and b) as soon as I turned that dreaded number...I STOPPED CARING ABOUT IT. I had built up so much anxiety over it for months and months (okay, pretty much since I turned 35)...I don't know what I was expecting it to feel like. Like a truck hitting me or something? It didn't. It came in on a wave of love, celebration, laughter and music. And I literally woke up RELEASED afterward. Almost like I'd had great sex! Not that I recall what that's like either...but as I imagine it would be. Like in the movies and stuff. But I digress...

Then I took a wonderful trip to New York City with my amazing Canadian friend Tiffany (she made it all possible) where I watched my good friend/co-writer Levi win a Tony, where I got to sing at the world famous Birdland, where we spent some time at the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Ground Zero...it rejuvenated me further. I came home having decided, for once and for all, that my life is MINE and can be whatever I want it to be. No one gets to tell me "no" but me. You wanna tell me I'm too old? You wanna tell me I'm too fat? I'm not pretty enough? I don't sing the "right" way? I'm all over the niche map? I'm not qualified to teach voice because I don't have my masters in education, my certification in speech level technique, or because I'm a bad accompanist on the piano? You go right ahead. Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya! I have been THROUGH IT Nelly, and I'm still standing. Forty is a new beginning for me. I know what I know, I know what I do well and I know that every preconceived notion our society dreams up for us all falls away the minute I open my mouth to sing in front of an audience or instruct a student on how to open their mouth and SING. So naysayers, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Well, not really, cuz smoking is bad for you. So just...go away or something. Pee pee all over someone else's Wheaties.

Thanks to my new 'tude, the rest of the year has mostly been a tidal wave of new students, meeting other musicians, singing at every cabaret and piano bar that will have me, another benefit for Nashville where miracles happened (never mind that I almost killed my neighbor putting the show on), auditioning for tv shows and commercials (as an actor, no less!), slowly dipping my toe into attending church again and my cousin Jenny's wedding! I have had a lot of fun since May and I think I've performed more in 2010 than I did in all the years I've lived here since 2001. Okay, that's kinda sad. But that's what I allowed my life to be before now. I have hoarded my gifts since I moved here - I was warned by a Nashville friend who knew a little about how L.A. works that I should NEVER sing for free out here. "Once it gets out that you'll sing for free, you'll NEVER get paid." So I took that advice to heart. Nine years later that advice hasn't worked (I'm a slow learner, shut up). So this year I finally said, "Screw it, I'll sing anywhere...it's the ONLY thing that makes me happy whether I'm paid for it or not." And while I haven't exactly been rollin' in the dough, a funny thing happened. My student roster started growing. Every time I sing, someone asks for my card. So this year I'll have PAID gigs AND lots of students. And some studio work again (which is my fave cuz I don't have to gussy up!). And maybe a tour...singing backup for someone, a national tour of a Broadway show, my own shows...I don't care what it is. I'm gonna travel and sing, travel and sing. 

So now I feel excited about 2011. I still have NO CLUE what I'm gonna do with it, but I'm going one day at a time right now. My only true goals are to be kinder to myself, kinder to others, write songs and sing, sing, sing. All the pieces around that will fall where they may. Nothing is more important than nurturing my own light which will then spread joy and healing to others via my God-given gifts. There, campers, is your meaning of life. And even though it appears I won't get to see her say it on OWN, as Oprah says, "Live your best life." Truly -- when you choose to do that, others are inspired to live their best lives too and that's what heals the world. And so it is.

Peace, joy, blessings, abundance and love to ALL of you in 2011!

Namaste,

Darci

Violets

Mark Twain said, "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds upon the heal that has crushed it."

I heard this statement for the first time last week while driving home from Las Vegas, listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Excuses Be Gone" CD series, in which he quotes Mr. Twain. At that very moment I was embroiled in a personal situation with what now appears to be a former friend in which I could not begin to imagine even an ounce of forgiveness creeping into my heart. But when I heard that I almost had to pull over because it broke me immediately and suddenly I couldn't see the road through my tears. And here a week and a day later, still struggling with the concept, I am watching Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" and who happens to be on it quoting those very same words but  -- wait for it -- Dr. Wayne Dyer.

It should be noted that my little sister was supposed to take the Dyer CDs on her cross country move to Chicago but they accidentally ended up in one of my bags instead. It should also be noted that I've had this Louise Hay DVD from Netflix for...oh, I don't know...a solid 6 months now. Mysterious ways, indeed.

I'm not really a grudge-holder. In past disagreements with friends, when given the opportunity to discuss the problem with the offended/offending party, I can agree to disagree, I can admit and apologize when I'm wrong, I can accept an apology if it's given and then I can throw it all away, never be used as ammunition later. I'm over it, just like that, clean slate. But I am struggling with how to forgive someone who did a terrible thing to me in retaliation for a terrible thing I said and won't allow me the chance to try and make amends. This is a totally foreign concept to me. I've certainly made mistakes in my relationships. I've made MISERABLE ones, a hundred times more heinous than this one. And yet I've never been disallowed from apologizing for my mistake. I also can't recall a time when I've not allowed someone who hurt ME to try and make amends. And man, I've been HURT. And I know I MUST forgive, because I cannot control others, so I must do it for myself. I MUST go forth in Love with this person, whether I ever receive it back or not. And chances are I won't.

And so I am struggling. I don't know how to keep this from becoming a cancer in my heart. Am I the one violet on the planet without a fragrance?

Tomorrow I'll read that last sentence and no doubt decide that it's cheesy as hell. So I apologize for it in advance. But right now it stays, because I'm feeling all emo and stuff.

In the midst of this turmoil, however, I have learned that I am still somehow lovable. I just produced a benefit for Haiti relief with the proceeds going to Doctors Without Borders. Friends stepped up to the plate when it counted most. And yeah...all these people know I'm annoying and sometimes have no filter and yet they like me anyway. Or at least they know my heart's always in the right place and therefore can tolerate me. That's probably more like it...but beggars can't be choosers, right? But I digress...

The benefit certainly did not go off without a hitch, but it went off anyway, which I'm pretty proud of. Our modest but generous crowd brought in almost $1200 for DWOB. My talent was AMAZING, from the insanely funny Suzanne Whang who opened with standup and played emcee for the night, to Melissa McLaughlin, Trenyce and the incomparable Debby Holiday. They all gave 150% to their performances and completely enthralled the crowd. I am grateful. And while I am relieved it's over, cuz that's A LOT of work, I want to do it again. I think my next venture will be the NoH8 Campaign. Not TOMORROW...but next.

First I have to get my voice back so I can actually sing in the next one. Yes...I'd been doing so well...and here I am, post-nasty-cold-I-came-down-with-in-Vegas, and can barely squeek out a sound because my cords are so trashed from coughing. It's been awhile since I've had to cancel a performance because I was THAT sick. It begs the question, "Why are you bringing this upon yourself, Darci?" In my efforts to try to really know myself, break apart my own denial and fingerpoint the crap that makes me do what I do so I can get RID of it and NOT do what I do anymore, I can't seem to zero in on this one. Now perhaps this particular instance is easy...I hadn't planned to sing in the benefit in the first place. I had enough to do as the producer. But the last person I was waiting on a confirmation from wasn't able to make it work, so I had to step in. A week later I had a head cold, four days later no voice. I pulled myself out of the line up. Simple. Never wanted to sing...subconsciously made it happen.

But it's a little extreme, don't you think? Now I've jacked up my ability to make a living for a few weeks, because EVERYTHING I do requires my voice! Teaching voice lessons, singing, and my babysitting job one day a week. Why would I do this to myself? What is it I'm fearing? What is it I must not want? It makes no sense, because I do WANT to be singing, all the time!

And there it is. *DING* I literally had a lightbulb moment as I sit here typing. I am in an eternal state of WANTING and never actually HAVING. Nearly every day for just about as long as I can remember I've been saying to myself - and occasionally to someone else - "I just want to sing. That's all. Just want to be singing." I can count on one hand the times I've said to myself, "I AM singing," or "I'm a singer" or "I sing all the time." And almost NEVER, "I sing all the time and make my living at it." If all this law of attraction la-dee-da is true and it's the vibration of feeling you put out there that attracts a like vibration of feeling, then I am most definitely guilty of putting out vibrations and feelings of lack. Duh! *smacking forehead* It's no wonder that most of the time I'm scraping by! It's no wonder I struggle with throat and respiratory issues a lot and have MY ENTIRE LIFE! Which leads me to...

OH MAN the things we're told when we're growing up and what we let them do to us! Looking back on my life, God was used as a weapon of mass destruction upon me. When it came to singing, someone ELSE other than ME decided when I was "spiritually ready" to sing in church or not. I was often told that "IF it was God's will" I'd have a career in music and that if it was going to happen then He'd present the opportunities to me and maybe then I'd be ALLOWED to have my dreams fulfilled. You know what this taught me? That God and I were never on the same page, He would never allow me to have anything I wanted and it paralyzed me from really getting off my patootie and pursuing my calling because I kept waiting for Him to hand it to me on a silver platter. And when opportunities DID arise...I was so terrified they were tricks disguised by the devil and not really of God that I'd get sick. And then I could blame missing an opportunity on sources outside my control. And THEN I'd beat myself up over it, calling myself a failure, never forgiving myself...sometimes for YEARS.

AND CLEARLY I STILL DO THIS!!! What's been going through my head all week and since the benefit? Darci's Blame-Herself-Into-A-Bloody-Pulp Game. What could I have done differently? What could I have said? What could I NOT have said? Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that? Why DID I do this? Why DID I do that? I should have...I shouldn't have...I meant to...I didn't mean to...if I could've had this...if only I'd known...if I had double checked...if I'd KEPT MY BIG MOUTH SHUT...

Wow. WOW. I'm freaking myself out right now. I'm not even sure what to type right now except...I can't forgive anyone of anything ever until I can freakin forgive myself. I will not experience wellness in ANY part of my body until I can forgive myself. I cannot move forward in my career until I forgive myself. I cannot expect that anyone would ever forgive ME until I forgive MYSELF.

I am the heel crushing my own violet.

Well, whaddaya know. I suppose I should quit doing that before I worry about what kind of fragrance its giving off, yeah?

Mostly Fluffernutter

Sooooooo...how 'bout that Pat Robertson, huh?

Way to represent, dude. As a person of faith, I state loudly and clearly that you do NOT speak for me and you are an embarrassment to other good and kind people of faith in this country. You sir, are an ignorant menace to society. Why can't you learn to SHUT!  THE!  $%^&*$#@!  UP???!!!

Ahem.

What Haiti has gone through - for years and years now - is just so heartbreaking. It has reminded me that I must - MUST - stop worrying myself into a frenzy about things as stupid as my cable bill. Things are tight for Americans right now as compared to other decades, but there's no doubt that even the hardest up amongst us STILL has more than just about anyone in Haiti right now. Let us all quit our sniveling, step up and a) give whatever we can afford to our fellow human beings because we are ALL in this together, b) pray, pray, pray and c) appreciate, appreciate, APPRECIATE the roof over your head, the bed you're going to sleep in tonight and the screen you're reading this off of, even if you're borrowing it at the library. And if you're living outside your means...CHANGE IT. Social plumage is worthless. I'm not saying to take a vow of poverty (unless you feel called, of course), but I am encouraging us all to re-examine our "stuff."

Whitehouse.gov has information on what you can do to help.

**************************************

Now, let's move along to the fluff. Because I am also grateful that I was born in a country where fluff even exists. For better or for worse.

I went to see Avatar in 3-D a couple weeks ago and have been meaning to blog about it ever since. Time has gotten away from me this month. People, I'm not just "L.A. busy" (the practice of claiming you're busy in order to impress others) - I've been ACTUALLY busy! Praisaluiah! However, when trying to organize my thoughts about what I wanted to say about the film since seeing it, I found I couldn't come up with much other than, "WOW!!!" Truly, it is the single most beautiful spectacle I've EVER seen on screen. And in 3-D it's absolutely out. of. control!

That said, my gripes are:

1) The same gripe I have with most of Cameron's work: he's a good story teller, but he is not the best dialogue writer on the planet. Sure, he has created some iconic catch-phrases over the years:

"Get away from her, you B***H!"

"I'm the King of the Woooooorrrrrrrrld!"

"I'll be bock."

And many fine others. However, at some points it's still as if he comes up with a catch phrase and then writes a scene AROUND it. And at moments it comes off goofy.

2) Because of his love of grand spectacle, his characters tend to be rather one-dimensional. Or two. But never three. And this film is no exception.

3) And specifically here, the point that the "bad guys" are MERCENARIES is easily missed by many, especially my conservative friends. And this is Cameron's fault for glossing over it too quickly during lead dude's narration when he first arrives on Pandora. There is not a "military = bad" agenda being pushed here, but there is a "people-who-do-crappy-stuff-to-others-out-of-greed = bad" agenda being pushed for sure. The difference between these two statements should have been made considerably more clear so that people aren't walking out of there feeling like they just rooted against our military.

Otherwise, LOVED it. Escapism at its supreme best. And whomever wants to complain that Cameron merely ripped off the story of Pocahontas...or Dances with Wolves...or The Last Samurai...well...in my opinion he did a WAY better job of it than they did. Especially Disney. Talk about a missed opportunity for education...

But that's another Oprah show.

Turns out Avatar just won Best Picture and Cameron Best Director at the Golden Globes tonight. I have a lot of catching up to do on my movies before the Oscars, but still I'm not sure how I feel about that based on my gripes about the movie. However, considering the amount of time put into it and the whole "I invented this technology" thing alone, I also can't imagine that any other film would've stood a chance. It will be interesting to see how the Oscars turn out.

Two more Golden Globe notes...HOORAY FOR MO'NIQUE AND SANDRA BULLOCK!!!! Two well-deserved wins in my opinion. I've always felt Sandy was completely underrated as an actress, so I now feel vindicated for singing her praises all these years while people snickered at me. Take THAT, poopy-heads! And Mo'Nique...well, that was just a flat out act of bravery, there. Run, do not walk, to see Precious.

Best dressed? Helen Mirren, who is a stone cold fox, and Sophia Loren. Ladies, we should all be so lucky when we reach their ages.

**********************

So some have asked about that whole "Hollywood Idol" thing I did on the 10th.

Lordamercy.  What a joke.

I wish I could say, "What a GREAT learning experience." I really, REALLY wish I could say that. But sadly, I cannot (yet). It merely ended up being a supreme embarrassment and waste of not only my time and money, but definitely that of the few that showed up to support me.

Now, I have to say that I think the folks that put this show on did everything they could to put on a professional and classy show. I really think they meant kick butt with this. Unfortunately - for starters - I think their timing blew. Expecting people to drop a $20 cover and then vote with their money for a singing contest that has built itself zero buzz immediately after a recession-ridden holiday season? I think it was a lost cause right out of the gate.

The band was woefully under par. The players were also all of 12 years old. Perhaps I am spoiled, having played with really great musicians both in Nashville and Los Angeles (holla! to In the Red and Debby Holiday's band), but I expected a band of hired guns playing 16 well-known covers with charts in front of their faces to be pretty good. I was sorely disappointed. During "sound check" (which happened to be my only rehearsal), I stopped the band to politely request they come in with the bridge sooner. The bass player, who was apparently the musical director also, insisted that there were 8 more bars before the bridge. Even the rest of the band agreed with me, "Yeah, I think it comes in sooner," but she was insistent and actually got a little persnickety. I smiled the whole time this debate went on amongst them, but finally sweetly said, "My love, I've been singing this song for longer than you've been alive. Your chart is wrong. But even on the off chance that it's not, I still would like you to come in 8 bars sooner. Cool?"

Kids these days.

The guitar player was actually very good. SHE was very good. And SHE was the only member of the band who had memorized every song in the keys we asked for. I remember her name was Liv, but I wish I'd gotten her info. And her brother, who also played guitar but was not there to play but was just there to support his sister, was an absolute sweetheart. But man...a more lifeless bunch onstage I've never experienced. So disheartening.

I was chosen to open the show. With freakin' "Barracuda!" Who OPENS a show with that? The hostess, who shall remain nameless and who was really not good at hostessing (ouch!), created the set list. No rhyme or reason to it, the whole night long. Set lists are often difficult to prepare and I'm sure it was a general nightmare to figure this one out with 16 songs in 16 different styles. But opening with "Barracuda"...? Just...why?

The cord fell out of my mic twice while I was performing. No, I did not step on it and accidentally pull it out. It fell out. It took four more singers and the hostess complaining onstage on mic that we needed a new cord before they fixed it.

There was nary a monitor to be found. For those of you who've never sung with a band, a monitor is the speaker(s) that should be on the stage for the singer and band to be able to hear themselves. Monitors are a MUST for a singer, otherwise we just scream into the mic to try and hear ourselves and not only do we sound like poo doo but we trash our vocal cords. Campers, even the worst karaoke bar you've ever been to has at least one monitor for the singer.

But not the Hollywood Idol contest. Live four piece band...but no monitors. 

Thank the Maker I grew up singing in churches with no monitors. I had no idea back then how handy that would come in over the years.

We started an hour late because barely anyone showed up. They kept holding off waiting for people to rush the door or something, constantly coming into the green room asking, "Didn't any of you invite your friends? No one's here. Any of you have friends coming? You were supposed to invite people."

There's nothing I love more than the attitude that I, the talent, was solely responsible for making the entire event a success. Ummmmmm...anyone producing the show bother to do any of their own PR, either? And let's not forget you're raping peoples' wallets right after Christmas. There's only so many mountains a woman can move on her own, people.

I actually remained relatively bubbly throughout all these bumps in the road. By this point I thought, "Well, I'm here. Might as well have a good time and try to enjoy my fellow contestants."

*sigh* Back in the green room I make the mistake of mentioning that I'm a vocal coach and the first thing someone says is, "Oh God, you're gonna be judging us."

Mmmmmmm...not really. I'm off duty for the night; it's all about me right now. (But here's my card.)

"Do you teach Broadway, musical theater?"

Yes, I explain, but I'm not an accompanist (I know what's coming).

"How can you possibly teach that style of music without playing piano?" (bingo)

I say it's worked out just fine with other students using tracks.

"WHHHAAAAAATTT??? Like KARAOKE tracks???"

You'd think I'd sprouted an extra head or something. And then it's like you can visibly see a door slamming shut in their eyes as I explain that it's not ever been an issue yet and that it doesn't matter if I play for them in a lesson cuz I wouldn't be playing for them at their auditions so it would be senseless to get too comfortable with my style of playing anyway. At the end of the day, it's your responsibility to lead your instrumentalists and rely on your own internal sense of musicality, cuz you just might have an audition with a weak piano player and then what do you do? How do you keep from getting thrown off? You gonna blame it on the accompanist? Better not, Spanky. Lastly, I am a voice coach - if you want a piano lesson then find a piano teacher.

I'm getting to a point where I am seriously considering not taking on musical theater students anymore. I can't bear the snooty. Especially because if they were really serious about musical theater, they'd be in New York. Or at least Chicago. L.A. is not a theater town. So don't gimme no 'tude, Nancy!

 My favorite part of the night, though...was whomever was running the spotlight. Oh. mah. gah!

Dude couldn't have followed an elephant with that thing! Having been up first, I was able to sit through the rest of the show. I'd watch singer after singer get up there, move stage right or left, only for the spot to stay right where it was in the first place, then make a bee line over to the singer a full second or two later after the singer started moving the other way. Once or twice the spot just fell straight down, leaving the singer (or the hostess) in total darkness. By the last few singers in the show my friends Gary and Regan and I were almost crying with laughter over it. It was like a Muppet Show skit - or what it might be like to have Jerry Lewis running the spotlight. My lighting designer neighbor Matt would have had a freakin' meltdown about it. I'm glad I didn't make him come!

So we finally get to the point where the "votes" (the money in each ballot box left by the poor, long-suffering audience members) are counted. Now...I admittedly sent up a little cash with one of my friends to put in my box, cuz a) no one said we couldn't contribute to our own ballot box and b) since they were counting the ballots in front of the audience I was NOT gonna have nothing in that box and c) I had made peace with myself that whomever would receive my money at the end of the contest probably needed it more than me anyway (all money in the ballot boxes is given to the eventual overall winner). BUT...one of the other girls in the show who only had two people there to see her put in her own $100 bill (and possibly more, if her two friends didn't dump in $30-40 apiece for her themselves)! She nearly won because of it which honestly would have been a travesty cuz she was definitely outshined by a number of other contestants. But thankfully, a very very sweet guy who had a very good voice ended up winning the night. And he was sooooo excited to have won. I like it when the deserving win.

So...obviously that wasn't me! I didn't expect to win, cuz I knew it would be nearly impossible to talk my friends into spending that kind of money to hear me sing one song. I really did the contest for myself, for the chance to sing for some new people, to sing "Barracuda" with a live band in Los Angeles, which crazy as it may seem had yet to happen till that night (in Nashville, I closed all my shows with that song). I was so so so disheartened that it wasn't the experience I had anticipated. So I am actually relieved that not too many of my friends came out, because it was not at all the level of professionalism that was sold to me when I auditioned, nor the level that I am used to performing in.

The venue, however, was gorgeous! Really swanky place with a nice big stage. Here's a pic my friend/student Debbie caught on her phone during my performance:

And here are some of the other contestants in the green room. The boy on the left won (argh, can't remember his name!). Most of them were really sweet, fun folks and I did enjoy myself in the green room at least! But there's always the ones who separate themselves from everyone else, "focusing" or being all competey or whatever. I see no point in such nonsense myself.

The pretty girl in the hat had never heard of Heart. After I dug my nails out of my palm, I politely gave her some education and then I gave her some homework. Betcha she knows who they are now.

And so those are the gory details of Hollywood Idol. And I sincerely hope that this contest improves over the course of time, because again, I do believe the folks running it truly wanted to make it as professional and upscale as possible - I simply think they were in over their heads. You live, you learn. What I learned from that experience, I'm not sure, but I'm sure it'll come to me eventually.

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And now, my little duckies, it's time to rest. Tomorrow I have to take Angelica Accent into the shop early in the morning (to fix a boo boo some big, obnoxious gas-guzzlin-Bush-mobile gave her) and then I have a lot of emailing to do in order to launch my plan of dance music world dominance.

Later, guys...thanks for playing!

~Darci