Wednesday, January 06, 2016

This Moment

In this moment I curse your name. I hurl verbal fireballs of anger, weave a tapestry of obscenities, shake my fist at the sky, quake with powerful rage.

In this moment my hatred for you is palpable, my disgust virulent, my contempt seemingly boundless. Good riddance. Good fucking riddance indeed.

In this moment I feel strong, determined, positive that I can finally cut this cord and move on, cast you aside for the weak, spineless bastard you were and probably still are, knowing that what I deserve is so much more and that I will find it sooner than later.

In this moment I know that with Truth there is no wondering, no questioning, no interminable silences, no evanescing back to a world in which I am not good enough to join you. When Truth comes it is easy, simple, unmistakable and breathes life into the soul. It is fully present, steadfast, connected, wholly aware. The ground grows firm beneath my feet and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it will not crumble under me.

In this moment I am who I was before you; a strong, confident woman with much to offer, with a giving heart, huge and open, accepting and hopeful, tender and ready to blossom freely under the showers of possibility.

In this moment I am a warrior. I am indefatigable. I am powerful. I am myself again. I am ready to relight. I am ready to revive.

Until this moment when I crawl into my bed, now cold and empty, alone, without you, again, forever.

And I disintegrate.


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